Media and My Choice...
Abstinence is something that I take pride in everyday. Society and the media these days are always talking about sex, drugs and alcohol and justifying it to make it seem like it's all fun and games. But really it's not. They all can have major consequences and long term effects. I don't want to conform to what society tells me to do or how to live. I live in this world but I am not of the world. Having those distractions in my life will just make me lose focus on the main purpose of my life. I don't have the pressure and guilt of these things on my shoulders. So many people think that these things can make you truly happy. But they never will. I don't want to chase pleasures that won't last and be chained by what society thinks of me. I'm free and I don't ever want to turn back. That is why I chose to be abstinent.
So I'll wait...
You know that feeling when you're on a rollarcoaster? That 10 seconds that you're floating in the air? It feels like you're in the clouds forever. Looking down at all the people on the ground. The moment of butterflies in your stomach. It's exhilarating, but at the same time the scariest moment of your life because you know at anytime the strap can break and you can go plunging to your death. Just like that, those butterflies can lift you up as well as tear you down. I imagine that's what love is like. So terrifyingly amazing. Don't you want to give everything you have to the person that makes you feel that way? Don't you want to look into the eyes of the person you love and tell them that you waited for them? You waited to show them that you love them with every part of who you are. That you know it's scary and you never knew what would happen next, but while you both lived separate lives somehow you lived them together. You managed to love that person with your body before you even met them. Don't you want to hold that person's hand and know that you had waited all your life for them? That you know, contrary to popular belief, sex is more than an earthly pleasure of two bodies slamming against each other. It's a gift of love. It's an act of showing that you love someone so much that you let them become a part of you. You give them your heart, mind, and BODY. Because it is truly not just sex to you... it's making love.
All I'm saying is, I don't know about you, but when I stand on that altar, in front of God, in front of my friends and family, in front of the man of my dreams, I want to say I am truly giving him everything. All my love, all my heart, and all my body. When I stand under those white lights in my beautiful white wedding dress flowing down to my feet, I want to say that I made mistakes and I messed up and I lost my way, but one thing had remained. That I had stayed faithful to my husband before I even knew he was going to be my husband. I had respect for him, for God, but mostly for myself. I knew that I was more than a notch on some boys belt. That I was more than what my body had to offer. I knew that I was loved, or that I would be loved by someone someday and he would look into my eyes and tell me that he was happy I waited for him because he had waited to love me his whole life. And that through all my short comings and falls and screw ups I had in my life, I kept my body as pure as that white wedding dress.. for him.
Like an apple…
A shiny red apple might seem appealing—especially fresh off the tree. However if that apple is passed around to a dozen people who take a bite out of it, you may be less likely to want it. What once was a beautiful, whole apple, is reduced to nothing but a core, the missing fruit pieces forever given to the consumer.
Your heart can be much like an apple. Though people don’t actually take a bite out of it, the luster and beauty of a once whole heart disappears after being handled by several people. Each person who comes and goes through a romantic relationship takes a piece of your heart with them.
This doesn’t just happen when you give someone your virginity or have a physical relationship. It can also happen when you are emotionally impure; it can happen in the heart. The heart is the wellspring of life. Everything you do flows out of it. Think about it; you pick friends who have the same values as you (values are in the heart). Your religion and worldview are tied to your beliefs (which come from the heart). Consequently, you date because you either love someone or lust after them (which are attitudes of the heart). Thus when you give all or part of your heart away, any damage done is heavy because the heart is the most valuable part of who you are.
You need to be aware that every time you date, whether you have a sexual relationship or not, you are giving away part of your most valuable treasure. You need to be careful who you give it to. If you had a ruby worth $1 million, you wouldn’t just let anyone chip away at, taking what they wanted. You would be careful with it. Your heart is even more valuable than that.
Emotional purity is something that I have struggled with far more than I ever struggled with physical purity. It is easy to let lust get the better of your mind and heart, allowing you to fantasize about what “could happen.”
The problem with lust is that it is entirely selfish. Lust is what you do when you want someone to satisfy a need or desire you have. I would argue that most high school dating relationships are nothing but lust-- they are not really love at all. Yes you may really like who that person is, connect, and have fun with them. But that does not mean you love them.
Love is an unselfish attitude. Love puts the other person first, even if it deprives you of your desires. Love says, “I am not with you because you are amazing. I am with you to help you be even better than you already are.” Love says “I would die if it meant you could live.”
Both lust and love can capture your heart. They both invest emotions into another person. Love is worth the investment. Lust is not. You heart and their heart is much too valuable to be chipped away at by selfish romances that will leave you broken and empty. This is why sexual relationships affect you so much. They don’t just affect your body; they affect your heart--who you are.
Before you jump headlong into another romantic relationship, think about the cost. Do you really love that person? Or are you just in it for what you can get? Protect your heart. You only get one.
I choose to be abstinent for a variety of reasons. Some are objective, while some are more personal. I'll start with the unbiased ones -- the facts that you can't deny. Having sex, especially with multiple or different people, exposes your body to a number of potentially dangerous STIs and STDs. Even if you have only one, committed partner, there is still a risk of pregnancy. Since I'm young and have a lot of big plans, like graduate school, traveling, and just enjoying not being tied down, I really don't want to have to put all my other dreams on hold for a pregnancy right now. There is an option of birth control, but that can also have very negative effects, like having fertility trouble even after you stop using it.
The next reasons are my personal ones and reach a little bit deeper into who I am and what I believe. I believe it to save me from physical harm, like the ones listed above, and emotional harm. I was the only virgin left of my friends in high school. None of my friends are with the person they lost their virginity to and it scarred them. In the end, abstinence is my decision. I have the power to say no as well as to say yes. So, for the sake of my future, I'm saying yes to abstinence.
Abstinence until marriage
I have always been told that refraining from sex until marriage is the best option when it comes to healthy relationships. However, it has proven to be a much more difficult task than I ever imagined. In high school kids were always telling me that having sex with girls was the cool thing to do and that everyone was doing it. I often felt like I was missing out on something when my friends would talk about the girls that they had sex with. As I grew older those same conversations seemed to change among the guys. They were no longer about the girls that they had sex with, but they were now about the girls who they were unable to have sex with. I began to learn that sex is not just an act of pleasure but it is something special. All of the sudden being abstinent was the right decision. It is something that I will be proud to tell my future wife that I have accomplished. Even though I have made many mistakes with many different girls I am confident that my future wife will forgive me and celebrate the fact that we have waited for each other.
Moving Past the Physical
The physical aspect of a relationship is quite the dominant factor. Whether it be physical attraction or physical touch, it is present. This physical road can go quickly if not controlled and boundaries not set. From elbows touching to hugging, holding hands, kissing, making out, etc. It all leads straight to sex. This physical road has been designed to light a fire- passion- to lead to an intimate relationship with your husband. Husband? Teens are having sex. They are not married. They have numerous partners. Who needs a husband? Purity. This word, purity, is used so flippantly these days. Not in speech, but in action. Purity means; freedom from adulteration or contamination / freedom from immorality, especially of a sexual nature. Purity is remaining clean from sexual activity until married. Sex is designed bring a married couple to be one. It is an intimate action that is, almost in a sense, marking each other. It is said that when you have sex, you will never forget the first time. Being impure chips away at the intimacy of that with your ultimate partner, your husband or wife.
Now, do not get me wrong. Purity can be an extremely difficult thing to achieve. I, for one, have made many many mistakes in this area. So why is purity important to me? When I was younger, I was always told to not have sex before I was married. It was something that I had engraved in me. I was never explained anything else. Therefore, I messed around with guys that I was with or even was not with. I did not think that it was part of me being pure. As long as I did not have sex; it was alright to mess around. Wrong. I want to refer back to what I said earlier about the physical road. I believe that kissing and beyond is intimate that leads to the marriage bed. I experienced intimate things, things that lit my fire, with boys who would not be with me for long. This ripped at my heart, but I thought the only solution was to look for more. Experiencing those feelings again would cover it up. In reality, it made it worse. I had then changed my baggage size from small to large. I have lugged this baggage around with me to this day. I am now in a relationship that is headed for marriage. I had to tell him everything that was in my past. He was hurt which made me hurt. I am thankful that he forgave me, but it does not change the fact that I was intimate with other boys before him. It hurts him, because he wants that with me. He does not want these boys knowing me like the way he should. I would like ot add that purity has been a difficult thing in my relationship now. We continue to seek council and accountability from other friends or couples. I can say that our relationship is being redeemed. Before, I desired purity to save it for my husband. Today, I still desire that, but my desire has grown bigger than before. I desire purity because physical impurity can tear up a relationship. It can make you self-conscious, angry, hurt, selfish, disgusting, and the list goes on. These things do not need to be around and I do not need to be worrying about these in this stage of my relationship. In fact, I should not be worrying about these things. I should not be worrying about whether or not he likes me, what I look like, or what I do. That comes after marriage. Marriage that is designed for sex. That is designed for fulfilling this beautiful connection between two people; making them one. If I do not have a husband, I hope to find my satisfaction elsewhere. Whether it be teaching, photography, or music. I know that something will fill the void.
This is why purity is important to me. I want my husband to have what is left of me. I want to find intimacy with him and nobody else.