Many years ago, parents would have one conversation with their child at the age of 12 or 13 – or older about sex. It was often awkward and embarrassing and referred to as the “birds and the bees” – a comparison of sex with nature. Today we are thankful that many parents are able and willing to be more clear and intentional about discussing sex and sexual health with their child. Rather than “The Talk” it becomes a conversation beginning at a young age and continuing through young adulthood.
You Must Talk to Your Teen About Sex
- Even if you think others(school) have covered it enough with your kids.
- They will never know how you feel about sex until you tell them.
- Don’t wait until you feel comfortable or have all the facts right. Do it now.
- Both the mom and dad need to talk.
There is No Right Way to Have “The Talk”
- The only wrong way is not to have the talk.
- You can start by talking about hockey as long as you end up talking about sex.
- Talk about the physical, emotional and relational dangers of having sex.
- Don’t let your teen’s discomfort keep you from talking.
- Don’t let the claim that “I’m a virgin and plan to be one” keep you from talking.
You Have Something Important To Say
- Even though teens think they know everything, they don’t!
- It only feels like they are not listening. They are!
- They need your wisdom and need to know your reasons why you want them to remain abstinent.
- Even if they disagree with you, it’s okay, because they don’t have all the truth yet.
- You are still a good parent even if your child is unhappy with you!
Use What You Have
- You have significant power and influence over the way your child thinks.
- Your past mistakes don’t cancel out your power or influence.
- Even if you feel overwhelmed by the culture and its effect, remember that
- no one will fight for your children as hard as a parent will.
- They are watching you and hearing what you say.
- They stop hearing when you stop talking.
Monitor Their Social Life
- Just because they’re not dating doesn’t mean they’re not having sex.
- Get face time with everyone your kid spends time with.
- Don’t stop being in their business.
- Ask who, what, where and when.
- Make your house the place kids want to be.
- Feed them and they will come.
Use If, and Then Statements
- Use “if “and “then” to get your teen thinking in terms of cause and effect.
- For example: “If you insist on lying to us about where you’re going, then we will assume that you are not using good judgment in other areas of your life so you will need to be home earlier.”